NEW PATENTS
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“ Rather than growing exponentially, or keeping pace with population growth, innovation peaked in 1873 and has been declining ever since. “
New Scientist 2nd July 2005, pp 27
That can't be right surely ?
Our
Californian patent expert Tipi Eisberg
- reviews some of the most interesting, and intriguing examples of the very latest US patents . . .
Data and images kindly supplied by the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) ( http://www.uspto.gov )
Your task ( should you choose to accept it )
is to figure out what they are . . .
click on the picture to reveal the answer.
Editor's note, Oct 08
Tipi is currently taking a sabbatical in Micronesia - and so sadly, these pages have not been updated for quite some time. Apologies to readers . . .
If and when she returns, rest assured so will her column . . . ( says her agent )
US 7,394,012 B2
US 7,392,764 B2
US 7,389,747 B2
US 7,389,749 B1
US 7,390,247 B2
US 7,386,894 B2
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US 7,387,129 B2
US 7,383,677 B2
US 7,384,377 B2
US 7,384,379 B2
US 7,384,382 B2
US 7,381,169 B2
US D570,314 S
US 7,377,410 B1
US 7,376,979 B2
US 7,377,234 B2
US 7,378,584 B2
US 7,373,673 B1
US 7,375,268 B1
US 7,374,520 B1
US 7,372,971 B2
US 7,367,065 B2
US 7,367,907 B1
US 7,364,056 B2
US 7,364,229 B2
US 7,363,881 B2
US 7,363,662 B1
US 7,361,071 B1
US 7,361,826 B2
US D567,024 S
US 7,357,757 B2
US 7,357,693 B1
US 7,356,855 B1
US 7,354,331 B2
US 7,353,779 B2
US D565,829 S
US 7,350,242 B2
US 7,350,679 B2
US 7,351,128 B1
US 7,347,166 B2
US D564,823 S
US 7,347,165 B2
US 7,344,430 B2
US D564,713 S
US 7,341,543 B2
US D563,827 S
US 7,338,210 B1
US 7,338,417 B2
US 7,338,343 B2
US 7,337,748 B1
US 7,337,561 B2
US 7,334,768 B1
click on the drawing to view patent
US 7,331,839 B2
click on the drawing to view patent
US 7,335,086 B1
click on the drawing to view patent
US D562,682 S
click on the drawing to view patent
[ Week 08]
[ Starting this week we're introducing a new experimental format . . .
Bearing in mind that ' a picture is worth a thousand words ' each of these should save Tipi quite a bit of typing.
Instead of reviewing, she'll be selecting a choice few each week and leaving it up to the reader to ( in her words ) ' go figure '.
After you've gone figured, click on the picture to reveal the real answer. Ed. ]
US 7,331,310 B1
click on the drawing to view patent
US 7,331,839 B2
click on the drawing to view patent
US 7,331,848 B2
click on the drawing to view patent
[ Week 07]
US 7,328,648 B2
Apparatus for improving the taste of beverages
Wow ! Is that all there is to it ? So, like, I can buy a cheap bottle of Vin de Plonk and just put a magnet in it ?
[ Week 06]
US 7,325,335 B2
Method and apparatus used to communicate a message to be worn in footwear
Errrrr . . . let me get this right. Writing something in your shoe has been
patented ?
US D560,878 S
Shorts combined with multi-purpose straps with rings
Uh-huh. Kewl. And the point is ?
US D560,881 S
Privacy clothing garment
Yeah, ummmmm . . . neat. I might hold-off getting one just yet. Not quite me. And you ?
[ Week 05]
US 7,322,910 B2
Training device
You know how I like the simple ones right ? Well, they don’t come much simpler than this. Go figure.
US 7,322,915 B2
Toe stretcher
No ! Stupid ! It’s not made for those guys running [ deleted ] Bay. It’s for, like, exercising your toes. I dunno quite how though ?
US D560,492 S
Packaging for hard boiled eggs
It does what it says in the title OK ? I'm guessing might just work for soft
boileds as well ?
[ Week 04]
US D560,234 S
Boring machine
Hey ! Don't sell yourselves short guys ! It's no so bad ?
[ Week 03]
US 7,318,240 B1
One piece undergarment bodysuit
“ a one piece undergarment incorporated within apparel, preferably lingerie, which facilitates access to body parts . . . “
Errr . . . yeah, I guess it does – if you don’t mind looking like a [ deleted ].
US 7,318,393 B2
Lighted pet harness
“ More so than bicyclists and pedestrians, who stand considerably high above the ground, animals, such as dogs and cats, are extremely difficult to see at night.”
Avert danger then, with this LED pet-collar.
US 7,318,291 B2
Hygienical shoes with mobile magnet piece
If you like magnets in your shoes, then this is for you – It's Hygienical too !
[ Week 02]
US D559,339 S
Stuffed animal toy
I know , I know - but you gotta remember – it’s from California, that's how we do things. OK ?
US 7,316,128 B1
Jewelry item for housing a catheter
If you need to carry a catheter around with you, would you really, like, want to wear it around your neck ? I guess yeah, why not . . .
US 7,314,194 B2
Toilet paper roll locking mechanism
At last ! Took a while though, didn’t it ?
[ Week 52]
US 7,311,362 B2
Torso supporting seating system
Bike riders tense up. There’s a new way to ride. ( just purleese put some clothes on tho’ ! )
US 7,310,831 B2
Disposable protector for engaging a clogged toilet and containing splashes
in the clogged toilet occurring during unclogging of the clogged toilet by
a plunger
This looks like it’d work. I only included it ‘cos I rilly rilly soooo dig the title. Best of the year.
US 7,310,828 B2
Collapsible hat with spring
Errr . . . yeah. Like, could be handy for storage-space-challenged undertakers ? I guess.
US 7,310,830 B2
Method of messaging
Yeah, well, finish the year with another one I can’t figure right ? So you try why don’t you ?
“ T-shirts can now create a method of togetherness and communicative expression heretofore unavailable. “
Thanks, but I might stick to e-mail.
[ Week 51]
US 7,308,720 B1
Multi-positionable
headwear system
Why have just one hat when you can use this that's a few at the same time ? So you can look like Admiral Lord Nelson or a sixteenth century Dutch milkmaid - or anywhere in between.
& It won't fall off - it's got magnets.
US 7,309,272 B2
Child training system
What can I say ? Looks a bit rad to me. Maybe it'd work. I'm not about to find that out - sorry.
US 7,309,825 B2
Guitdoorbell entry signal stringed instrument door chime
Cool ! Just what every aged dinosaur guitar-hero needs for their castle drawbridge ? ( How about a piano version next ? )
[ Week 50]
US 7,306,246 B2
Highly collapsible ambulatory assistive walker apparatus
Hey, it looks like a great idea – just, like, maybe they could do with changing the name ?
[ Week 49]
US 7,302,955 B2
Selectively
tobacco shortened cigarette and method of use
I’ll let 'em explain how it works – it leaves the smoker :
“ . . . still feeling as though a cigarette is being smoked, even though the amount of smoked tobacco in the cigarette is actually decreased. This method helps a smoker quit smoking. “
Or you could just, like, cut the end off ?
US 7,302,721 B1
Pleated bed sheets providing more room for the legs and feet of a user
Some people don’t like having their feet tucked-up-tight in bed right ? So make the sheet bigger at the bottom why don’t you ?
US 7,302,915 B2
Portable device for cleaning an animal's paw
Caution : I'm guessing safe-use may depend on the type of animal - how big it is - and its consent.
US D556,428 S
Baseball cap with rear spoiler
Wanna look like a major-league [ deleted ] ? So here’s how. ( just don't run too fast ).
US 7,300,355 B1
Tandem swing
I know what you’re thinking : someone shoulda thought of this before right ? Well they didn’t. Otherwise it couldn’t get a patent. ( note : if you’ve got one in your garden, take it down, or the royalty agents ‘ll be after you . . .)
US 7,300,329 B2
Symmetric poi
Not many people know what a poi is right ? Well I didn’t OK ? Now I do, I wonder why we’ve put up with asymmetric ones for so long.
US D555,952 S
Furniture semi-circular tray
Errr . . . it looks fine. Just one thing. About it being semi-circular ?
US D556,293 S
Sewage tank
This is an ornamental design for a sewage tank. Hey, why shouldn’t sewage tanks be ornamental ? I think they could maybe work on the aesthetics a bit more though ?
US 7,296,303 B1
Garment with pet carrying pouch
I am sooooo like up for this one. A Pooch Pouch. The only thing is I guess maybe they’ll need different versions for like different pets ? And ummmmm , an account at the dry-cleaners ?
US 7,297,090 B2
Personal exercise device
Looks like way too much work to me. It’s kinda like a thing that makes it hard to walk right ? So why don’t you just carry someone’s shopping back from the store for them instead ? ( check it’s not patented first though )
US D555,797 S
Shield for a vibrator device
Snake ? – yeah, errrrrrr . . . maybe.
Bunny Rabbit ? - errrrr OK, OK, kind of.
Combined snake and bunny rabbit ? - Together ? Purleese ! What are they on ?
US 7,293,775 B1
Roping practice apparatus
Yeeehah ! Errrr . . . yeah . . . like there’s a shortage of cows right ?
Or maybe it’s for [ deleted ]
US 7,290,482 B2
Toaster with removable imaging plates
Ever wanted to burn images into slices of toast ? I know I have. And I can see applications for the spy services too : To permanently erase a message, just put the toast back in and burn it ( or just eat it I guess ).
US D554,327 S
Skirt combined with multipurpose straps
Neat.
I always like to level with you ok ? - don’t know what the multipurposes might be yet. Gotta do some experiments and get back to you.
US D554,329 S
Cruise ship slipper
Kewl ! Gave me an idea too – I’m gonna maybe try to sell it to P&O. ( A cruise ship shaped like a giant slipper. )
US 7,287,490 B2
Automatic
system-based animal training device
I know, the drawing is a bit of a puzzler. Let me explain. It’s for :
“ racehorses, camels and similar animals “
OK, ok, so I can’t quite figure it. Then you try why don’t you ?
US 7,288,049 B2
Team trekking device and methods of using same
I think this could maybe catch on with executive teambuilding awaydays in Finland ? They don’t look majorly happy though do they ?
US 7,288,016 B2
Igniter mechanism for toy hand grenade
At last. Don’t’ya just hate all those darned old fashioned toy hand grenade igniters ? So here’s a new one.
US 7,287,482 B1
Flotation
safety device for vehicles
A new meaning for fitted Airbags ?
US 7,287,530 B1
Tobacco hookah
Just when you though every possible hookah had already been invented ( like a few hundred years back ).
Its’ for “ plain and flavored tobaccos, mixtures of various aromatic herbs and spices, or mixtures of both. “
Uh-huh . . . . .
US 7,284,504 B1
Method of carrying and assisting the movement of a dog
Cool. I wonder why they didn’t just call it ‘ The Dog Handle ‘ ?
US 7,285,716 B2
Automated stringed instrument player
Your ‘ air guitar ‘ stunts gone stale ? No problem. Use this new device to play a real guitar for you – you don’t have to know how to play – just how to program ( and replace strings ? )
US 7,284,280 B2
Energy weapon protection device
Check the guy in the pic. Looks kinda nonchalant right ? That’s because
he’s not worried about being a possible target for a stungun. He might
still get hit, but it won’t hurt ( so much ).
US 7,284,869 B1
Rear light viewing assembly and method
D’you ever wonder about whether the freezer light really went out when you closed the door ? If you’re that kind of person, you might also worry about whether your car’s rear lights come on when they’re s’posed to ? Get this then. It’s a mirror.
[ Week 42]
US D552,928 S
Eating utensil tool set
Why Oh Why has no-one thought of this before ? Just perfecto for a Hell’s Angels picnic in Reche Canyon. I’m confused though – is it a spannered spoon ? or a spooned spanner ?
US 7,281,966 B2
Antlered animal call
This can ‘ simulate the sound of rattling antlers ‘ - ‘ for
attracting wildlife ‘ . . . . Awwwwww . . . .
But it’s different to some previous antler rattles – it’s
a one handed version – maybe leaving the other hand free to blow their
brains out with a shotgun ? ( just a wild guess )
US 7,281,342 B2
Article of footwear with linkage-tightening device
Hey ! I always wanted to pull myself up with my own bootlaces ! Now
I can ( try )
US 7,281,283 B2
Sleeping surface elevation device
Bed not high enough ? Here’s how. Put a block of wood under the legs ( don’t forget to pay the patent royalty though )
[ Week 41]
US D552,478 S
Container
Sooner or later, all those cool and trendy drinks bottles end up in the trash looking crumpled and ugly right ? So why not make it that way in the first place ?
US 7,278,956 B1
Pedaling exerciser with a twister device
Sitting in the gym pedalling away on an exercise bike may get the pounds off – but “ However, the user easily gets bored to practice the tedious exercises continuously “
You bet. But no more – this ‘ bike ‘ is different – it twists.
US 7,278,637 B2
Underwater matching game
No, nothing to do with breeding dolphins – it’s just a game – ‘cept it’s played underwater.
OK, so now it's patented, but I’m gonna keep working on my underwater-chess idea.
US D552,509 S
Multi passenger electric vehicle
K3wl ! Hey, it's from Dakota OK ? Not Modena.
[ Week 40]
US 7,275,396 B2
Apparatus and method of supporting an earring
We all know what a downer it can be to have a heavy earring pulling on your earlobe all day ( and/or night ).
No problemo. Just hang a piece of string over your ear and tie it to that ( . . . don’t forget you’ll have to pay a patent royalty fee though )
US 7,275,502 B2
Portable animal containment device
Animal lovers will be soooooo happy to get one of these ! If you don’t want your doogie to go astray, just stand him on one of these and he gets an electric shock if he jumps off. Neat huh ? ( Caution : for use with cuddly animals only : may be illegal in some countries )
US 7,275,788 B2
Music posture chairs
‘ A chair for a performer that encourages proper posture in an engaged as well as perch position. ‘
If you're uncomfortable , you can't play right - right ? Now I think I understand why musicians call them ‘ bum notes ’ . Errr . . . do I ?
US D552,212 S
Personal air gun
Cool for aspiring 007s - or undercover agents from [
deleted ] I guess.
[ Week 39]
US 7,272,874 B2
Cremation urn convertible into a birdhouse
What can I say ? Except – like, why not ?
US 7,273,057 B1
Tethered styling instrument and method of use
Um . . . is it me, or this just a comb tied to a piece of string ? You wouldn’t guess that no-one’s ever done that before would ya ? They haven’t though – otherwise it couldn’t be patented – could it ?
US D551,492 S
Oblong baking pan
There must be something unique in here somewhere. But I’ve looked at it from inside, outside, underneath and round the back – and can’t find it. Can you ?
[ Week 38]
US 7,269,915 B2
Shoe with built in micro-fan
Suffer from hot feet ? Esp. in the toe area ? Here’s how not to.
US 7,270,253 B2
Hosiery remover and method of removing hosiery
This is a pretty rad way of getting your socks off. OK, it's for people with ‘ limited movement ‘ though - but, like, how do they get themselves hooked up to that thing ? Maybe it’s easier than it looks.
US D551,188 S
Television set
Wow, that is one funky TV. If they could just build-in an espresso machine and a lava lamp I’d get one tomorrow.
US
7,267,655 B1
Device
for reflexotherapy
I’ve looked at this from one side and the other, and I still haven’t figured it out. In fact I don’t even know what reflexotherapy is. I’m not sure I want to - if it involves these.
US 7,266,909 B2
Insole embedded with germanium
I know what you’re thinking – why embed an insole with germanium ? Here’s why :
“ The germanium element of the germanium-plated blade can release drifting negative electrons to prevent breeding of microbes and improve blood circulation of user's sole. “
US 7,266,851 B1
Foot
support
Ever wanted to put your foot somewhere while you shave your leg ? Problemo solved - rest it on this.
US 7,267,076 B2
Ant sculptures
This seems to be a way of getting ants to become artists. Sooooo . . . do they get a percentage ?
[ Sorry, no pats reviewed this week. Tipi is ' on holiday ' in Oceania. Ed. ]
US 7,261,607 B1
Hovering inflatable towable water-sport device
This is technically a PWC or ‘ personal watercraft ’. I’ll be honest with you, it might be fun, but the drawing scares me a little. Hey, would you go up in one of those ?
US 7,260,961 B1
Circularly knit undergarment having knit-in support panels and derriere cup
fullness
Derriere Cup Fullness ( or DCF as I call it ) is majorly important to some folks. ( It's from California, ok ? ) Again though, the drawing looks . . . well . . . kinda spooky ?
US 7,260,923 B2
Method and apparatus for filtering air entering an animal's nostrils
From the picture, I’m guessing that this might be of particular use in the case of a horse. Horses get ‘The Heaves ‘ if they’re allergic to dust and stuff. This could maybe help some.
US 7,261,060 B1
Pet transporter construction defining interior space for pet
It’s for ‘ transportation of a pet by both pedestrian movement and at least one of automobiles, boats and airplanes. ‘ Airplanes ? Really ? Either way, this is one K3wl kittie kart.
US 7,258,079 B2
Apparatus
and method for waterproofing game birds
Aaaaaah, that's sweet . . . . Gee, it’s kinda nice of them to want to :
“ . . . enhance a bird's ability to fly in wet weather. “
Don’t you think ?
( Shame they're gonna get blown-to-bits later really. )
US 7,257,851 B1
Pillow book
Bedtime reading material. Is it a pillow ? Is it a book ? No, it’s a pillow book. Or could be a book-pillow.
US 7,257,847 B2
Buttocks
support device
“ . . . is designed to lift, hold in place and provide a desirable shape to the buttocks “
. . . trouble is, the, ummmmm, ' letdown ' effect . . .
'cuz the 'interested party' is gonna find out about it sooner or later right ? – That’s kinda the idea isn’t it ?
US 7,255,627 B2
Garment device convertible to one or more facemasks
Well . . . ummmm . . . I guess maybe there’s nothing wrong with having emergency facemasks at hand – but for only half the population ?
Luckily though, you could always share it with a ( close ) friend . . .
US D548,853 S
Control device
A ' Control device ' heh ? Like for who ? The security services ? Yeah right, sure it is ( check who’s the patent-holder )
errrr . . . on second thoughts though . . .
US 7,254,845 B1
Toilet seat cover made of a disposable paper sheet containing finger holes to
facilitate easy tearing off of a center portion of the sheet
Don’t you just hate it when it’s hard to tear off a disposable paper toilet sheet cover ? Well now it’s not. Cuz it's got finger holes in it.
US 7,256,339 B1
Predator recordings
“ An apparatus for repelling an animal while simultaneously entertaining a human . . .“
Hmmm . . . I don’t really quite get this one - but we used to have kinda similar things on our front-porch when I was a kid. We called ‘em stones.
[ Week 32 ]
US 7,251,869 B1
Burial
device
I could be wrong, but this seems to be, like, a double-decker casket ? So two people can be buried at the same time ? “ . . . Furthermore, the burial device saves on cost and resources by having only one coffin. “ Aha, right. Now I get it, I think.
US 7,252,340 B2
Aircraft
passenger seat with forward arm rest pivot
Forget the armrest. Check the picture. Take a look at the future of air travel. It's gonna happen soon. Trust me. ( think : airline security )
US 7,251,838 B1
Cheering system
Errrrrr . . . Yeah, why not ? It‘s a way of “ . . . attaching a pompom to a person's hand in such a manner that the person's hands are free for gripping other items, clapping, performing stunts or for other purposes “. Majorly handy.
US 7,252,571 B1
Deer rattle
In case you can’t figure it out, this is “ A device for simulating the sound of interacting antlers “. I’ll remember that next time I need one. K3wl.
[ Week 31 ]
US 7,249,389 B2
Dual side opening duvet sleeve
Know how difficult it is to get a duvet into its cover ? Not any more, Why just have one hole when you can have two ? ( I guess it makes it easier for it to fall to get it out too )
US 7,249,568 B1
Boat camper
Hey, campers are popular right ? And boats are too no ? - So why not put ‘em both together ? Voila ! The boat-camper/camper-boat.
US 7,249,435 B1
Device for holding a bucket of frozen chum
Errr . . . OK I don’t know what this is about. So why would anyone want a special bucket for, like, frozen dog food ? Someone in Copiague knows I guess.
[ Week 30 ]
US 7,246,455 B2
Smart shoe
Well I’ve got a lot of smart shoes already thanks - but this is ‘smart’ in another way. It’s electronic, and tells you how to position your feet. ( And just when I thought I had my 'foot orientation' all figured . . . )
US 7,246,391 B2
Prayer
pillow
Hang on a second, didn’t I cover one of these just a while back ? So what’s new this time ?
[ yes you did , and I don't know, Ed. ]
US 7,246,381 B2
Exercise
suit
I am sooooooo into this. If I close my eyes, I can almost see my neighbors jogging round the' hood in one of these. ( Hey, I need some entertainment, ok ? )
S 7,246,575 B2
Thrust fork
I know, I know – I’m the expert right ? But at least I’m honest about it – and when I don’t know, I’m the first to say, ok ? But my guess is it’s something to do with arresting people in Japan ? Or some kinda [ deleted ] game. You decide.
US 7,247,078 B2
Rotatable entertainment device
Ok, I have to ask, what are they on ?
[ Week 29 ]
US RE39,728 E1
Multipositional apparatus for hanging things
No one has ever thought of this before ( says the Patent Office ). Guess it could look good in your home too - if you were going for the castle-dungeon-circa-1600 look.
US 7,244,219 B1
Sparring apparatus
This is k3wl – but I think it could be improved with a face drawn on the ball. I’m getting one, and I’m gonna call it George. I'm soooooo motivated on this one.
US D546,635 S
Fondue fork
This one’s from Switzerland. Hey, if they don’t know how to do this kinda thing there, then where do they ?
[ Week 28 ]
US 7,241,196 B1
Heated stuffed animal
Well, like, what can I say, except he looks majorly happy . . . I'm getting one. I so want to feel like that.
US D546,451 S
Scratching rod for under a cast
I couldn’t figure this for a while. A cast ? What cast ? Then I got it – a plaster cast. I bet a lotta people will be soooooo relieved now get their hands on one of these. Nice and simple too. As in it's a stick.
US 7,240,828 B2
Insect repelling point of sale terminal
Uhhhhhh – yeah. Why not ? I can’t see it getting real popular though – except maybe in, like, meat markets in [ deleted ] Heh !
[ Week 27 ]
US 7,237,275 B1
Portable toilet
Hey, I’m all for simplicity – but this portable toilet is just a touch, ummmmm, austere ? Maybe that’s how they do things in Chattanooga ?
US 7,237,283 B2
Lay-down style hunting blind
Could be these might just be useful for the Army too ? ( officers only of course - retired ones probably . . . ) I should say so ! Jolly Good. Carry on !
US 7,238,143 B1
Body vibration generator having attachments for exercises to target body
regions
I’ll leave it to you to figure this one out. I guess the drawing says it all. Doesn’t it ?
[ Week 26 ]
US 7,234,996 B1
Brassiere having pocket with writing receiving substrate disposed therein
Ummmm . . . I’m not shirking, honest, but I’ll leave this to you to figure out. I truly have noooooooo idea . . . But then it is from Las Vegas . . .
US 7,234,987 B1
Game call holding device
Ever noticed how hard it is to use a bow-and-arrow and blow on a duck-call at the same time ? Betcha ! Well now you can do it all together. ( caution: shooting things may be illegal in some places )
US 7,234,177 B1
Auto hammock rocker
I usually use my toe – but hey, it gets a little tiring sometimes doesn’t it ?
For examples of older patents featured in this column, but now removed from the USPTO datatbase, go here :
They have now expired from the US Patent Office on-line database, which is only maintained for one year . . .
You can still find them, however, by using
go to the site and copy over the patent number (e.g. 6,863,583 ) into the search box.
The personal opinions of individual columnists do not necessarily reflect the views of Really Magazine Magazine.
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EDITOR'S TOP 5 CHOICE !
#1Garment device convertible to one or more facemasks #2Method of carrying and assisting the movement of a dog #3Apparatus and method for waterproofing game birds
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